How to Not Vanish

via Daily Prompt: Vanish

There are some places I go where I feel whole, where nothing else seems to matter and I can escape from worries for a bit.  I can be in my own head, alone with my own thoughts.  These are places near where I have chosen to live, out in the country, usually when I am out riding my horse, or on a walk in the woods or hike in the mountains.  Places where the rest of the world just vanishes.

There are other places I go that are the opposite.  These are places that are busy, loud, and usually obnoxious.  Cities and areas with a lot of people, all bustling to their next appointment, all completely focused on themselves, in their own little bubble, not caring about the world around them or the people around them.  It is in those places, although there are so many people, that I feel the most lonely.  I interact with machines more than I do people, as everything has become automated.  I pass by people who do not even look at me, do not see me.  I may as well not exist.  When I am in those places, I begin to shrink, to vanish.

This is why I have chosen the lifestyle I have now.  I work outside in all weather, long days for little pay.  I am not in an area with a lot of opportunity for better jobs.  I would have to move into the city for that.  I would have to get a job where I sit in an office all day, invisible to the world, to the sky and trees and sun.  I would have to sacrifice more than I am willing to: I would have to sacrifice myself and who I am.  I would have to live my life feeling like I don’t exist, like I don’t matter.  I refuse to do that.  I can’t do that.  The person I am now can’t do that, because she would vanish if she did.

So, this post is about self-care.  What places make you feel whole and happy?  What places make you feel like you don’t matter?  Spend more time in the first places.  Because you are real, and you deserve to exist.  You deserve to feel complete, and not vanish in a sea of dissatisfaction.


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